I am a grump. But it's not my fault that people are SO annoying. Like the kid who jaywalked when a crosswalk was 20 ft. up the road and flipped me off as I was driving towards him. Seriously?! Why am I being flipped off? I didn't honk or speed up or anything. And that was on the way home from trying to pick up a prescription that was never sent despite asking for it twice and being told it was done. This is what is annoying me as of late. Oh, and the box of recycling (beer bottles, etc) that was just dropped in our front yard. WHO DOES THAT?! People are the worst.
BUT I'm going to try and be kinder and more grateful as the week goes on.
Thanksgiving is feeling a bit anticlimactic. Last year at Thanksgiving I was home and there was lots of food not made by me, but I'll be in Seattle this year. I don't really have a huge desire to make a bunch of food and then eat it for daaays. I think I'll stick with some rolls, mashed potatoes, and maybe grab some turkey from the deli. Being at a dinner with strangers wondering why I'm eating tiny portions doesn't sound super appealing either. Anyway, Thanksgiving just ain't my holiday anymore. Wahhhhh!
In other news, I finished a book series Sunday night. It was enjoyable if you love some YA fiction.
And I found the outfit of my dreams - navy, turtleneck, deep pleats. . .looooove.
Alright, apologies for this rant of a post. I just needed to expel it somewhere!
I'm slightly filled with rage right now, but also super relieved. Here's why:
I got a phone call from my mail order pharmacy yesterday and I thought it was the standard phone call to refill my chemo drug. The man from the pharmacy asked if I would like to apply for copay assistance through the drug company and only pay $10/month instead of $75. Uh, yes. Sign me up.
I called the 1-800 number he gave me and within 5 minutes I had been enrolled and my copay would be $10 from now on. YES!!!! That $75/month for the rest of my life has been daunting.
When I called the pharmacy back to give them my enrollment information I talked to a new person and she said, "Oh, no problem. I can't believe no one has offered you this before now."
My reply, "yeahhhh, me neither!"
It's not a new program. The pharmacy and my oncologist and nurse knew about it. HOW ANNOYING IS THAT?!?!
I've spent almost $1500 and could have spent around $180.
What really sucks is that this medication copay assistance is only available to those who have commercial insurance and not anyone with government assistance or no insurance. Unbelievable! My roommate who used to be a drug rep said that they'd love to give it to everyone, but the government gets in the way (medicare, etc).
Anyway, all this to say, check out your options because no one is going to be your advocate like you.
Hey, guess what? I actually did things this weekend and it didn't kill me. I did sleep an hour past my alarm this morning, but what are you gonna do?
On Friday I was in pajamas, in bed, with glassybaby lit and a new book on my Kindle before 7:00pm. It was amazing. Then I got super sick and laid in the dark for an hour. Pizza has never made me sick, but I got Domino's on Friday night and wanted to die. SO bad. So bad in fact, that I threw the remainder in the compost bin. Anyway, I watched a lot of Jane the Virgin on Netflix because I was so nauseated that I couldn't read. I've been watching it since the beginning and find it super enjoyable, but the first season is on Netflix now and you should watch it.
On Saturday morning my roommates and I went to yoga. I wanted to love it, but I felt meh about it. Going to exercise is so foreign that I took a lot of pictures to make it seem like I'm super into working out. ;)
But then my face looks like this when it actually comes down to it.
My abdomen is sooooore.
After a rainy afternoon of errands, Stephanie and I got last minutes tickets to see Glen Hansard that evening. I first heard of/saw him in the movie Once? Have you seen it? It's been made into a Broadway musical and he's had a few solo albums since then. He was SO good. To open the show he walked to the front of the stage and sang this song acapella with no microphone. Amazing. Made me wish I was Irish and sang Irish ballads. So much energy and just a super engaging performance.
The rain has been intense the past few days. We are used to a drizzle and not actual downpours, but it did not stop all. day. long on Saturday. Got out my rain boots.
On Sunday I skipped Stake Conference and spent the day reading. I finished a book called Dumplin'. It's about a chubby high school girl in Texas who loves Dolly Parton - a book about me. I basically read a book about me. It was very accurate in describing how it feels to be a chubby teenage girl. Some real self-reflection going on. You think that losing weight is going to solve all your problems, but it doesn't. It doesn't hurt, but in my case nothing has actually changed.
Later in the day a friend texted and we went to St. Mark's to hear the Compline Choir and an organ recital that his co-worker played. It happens every Sunday and I'm so annoyed I haven't been before. It was so lovely. You can listen to it as a podcast through iTunes. I love a men's chorus almost more than anything and it was beautiful. And he played Adagio for Strings (Agnus Dei) on this enormous organ and it was haunting and wonderful.
Bytheway, I was feeling my makeup last night. On a recommendation from Alena (of course), I bought Maybelline's Fit Me foundation and it is awesome. A perfect color match and it kept my oily face matte for hours! They also have a "dewy" formula for you dry skin types.
And finally, going to two venues this weekend with crowds of people, you couldn't help but think about Paris and Beirut and the scary and horrible things happening in this world. I don't really know what to say about it. It's almost paralyzing, but you can't stop living your life.
A weird week with a holiday smack dab in the middle.
I'm not sure what to share right now. Mostly my mind is taken over by a book I finished last night. I honestly didn't sleep well because of it. I kept replaying it and wanting it to end other ways and thinking about the idea of it.
It's crushing. So if you're into that, I'd definitely recommend. It's a subject (assisted suicide) I've actually thought a lot about because of the cancer. I live in one of the 5 states where it's legal and I feel weirdly glad about that. I don't think I'd have the courage to actually do it, but there's the choice.
Don't freak out. Hopefully, the cancer won't come back anytime soon or ever.
I just get it.
That got heavier than I thought when I started this post. Sorry.
Driving down the street these days is so good. The trees are just on the breaking point of losing all their leaves, but the colors are incredible. This time next week, we will be in full-on grey mode.
This week has been weird. I feel weird. I feel like I want to go home (Texas) and I want to not deal with hard things.
I need to get social, because too much time on my own can get pretty depressing. I would call myself an introvert to a point, but it can also go too far and I have to get out.
That water heater leak did make me go through boxes that I haven't unpacked since I moved to Seattle. Embarrassing. If I haven't needed it in five years, then I probably don't need it. BUT what do I do with fifteen huge scrapbooks from my scrapbook days? Now I just wish they were all in a simple, small photo album.
You guys, Kindle Unlimited is a bad idea. It allows you to waste too much time on terrible writing. I can't stop with the Pride and Prejudice variations. They are free and dumb, but the characters are familiar and easy and I need to GET A LIFE. My subscriptions runs out today and I refuse to renew. So embarrassing to admit, but there it is.
This is the worst post. I think we are going to see Brooklyn tonight, so I will let you know. I have a baby shower tomorrow and not much else planned.
Man, I've been a ragey beast this week. Several times I was just like, "go downstairs and do not engage with humans before you murder someone." Good times.
Here's what has been going on:
- I woke up to soaked carpet and discovered a leaking water heater. Boooooo. I had to relight the pilot light after a repair and cold showers and thought I might blow myself up. The landlords finally replaced it yesterday. On Thursday night I had my brother on FaceTime so he could watch the pilot light that I couldn't see because of the location, but I could fit the phone in the tiny space. Technology, y'all.
- I got to meet and hold E&M's new baby and he's just the cutest, tiniest baby ever.
- A lazy, rainy Halloween day.
- I fell and bruised the crap out of my arm and there is quite a bump. This happened because I was trying to avoid someone who wouldn't look up from their phone to see they were about to ram straight into me. GRRRRR.
- I also bought a child's size skirt and that is beyond obnoxious to talk about, but I suffer a lot so I will take these small moments that chubby Jenny would never have thought possible and be like,"cool". Plus, it was navy and gold and that is my very favorite so I had to buy it. I thought it would be a good Christmas skirt.
- It's November. Insane. From this point it always feels like a sprint to the end the year. I wish it would slow down a bit.
I thought about writing a post about how terrible and depressing my life was this time last year, but I'm not sure it warrants a whole post. Post-surgery reality had set in and I was crying almost everyday. It was rough. When you are in the depths it's hard to imagine coming out the other side, but it happens. It just takes time.
Hello! Did you have a nice weekend? I did. It was quiet-ish.
On Saturday evening we went to see The Martian and it's good, but a little long. Also, Matt Damon's character performs surgery on himself and holy moly. Turns out I have some PTSD when it comes to abdominal trauma. I was wigging out a bit and my eyes fully covered.
An acquaintance was visiting at church yesterday (he moved away a few years ago) and I went to chat with him after Sacrament meeting. He was like, "oh my goodness, what happened? (referring to the cancer) I had no idea until last night and some people were talking about it." Of course, this makes me want to know immediately who is talking about me. WHO and WHY?
Last night Susan and Meredith hosted a little asylum party. As always the decorations were amazing.
Rosie came as a patient with a goddess complex and I think she looks so ghostly here.
I'm not even sure what I was supposed to be. A crazy doctor? Sure.
Halloween week! I feel like I have to get some decorations out tonight.
Hey! I went to Canada! Banff to be exact. It was really very pretty.
And I bought a hat with some fur on top. I usually don't love myself in hats, but it was necessary with the cold and wind happening around Lake Louise. We had lunch at the Lake Agnes Teahouse and I was a miserable cow at the top. I've had a few occasions in the last year where I get supremely claustrophobic, then nauseated and then I have to escape. Nancy and Holly were eating and I was like, "I gotta go! Meet you at the bottom." Woof. It was rough. I went down a few switchbacks and got out in the open, took some medicine and was fine. It's a weird, new post-cancer reaction. No idea why.
Anyway, Canada was great! I should go up north more often since Vancouver is only 2.5 hours away. I got home and was immediately busy with work and few projects and then Dad came for a visit. He and Bill got my old car up and going so Bill could have a car. We spent lots of time watching football over the weekend in between car projects. He left this morning.
I have the opera tomorrow and then a weekend of pre-Halloween activities and movies to be seen! I can't believe October is almost over!
I spent most of the weekend listening to General Conference. It was a good one, of course.
Two things that are resonating with me. . .
For me, this suggests that Heavenly Father’s generous compensation for living in perilous times is that we also live in the fulness of times. - Gary E. Stevenson (loving him already)
"When you cannot do what you've always done, then you only do what matters most." - Robert D. Hales
That quote was like, "whoa". Especially after this post wondering how I should be living my life, it definitely calls for some serious reflection about what does matter most.
Other than some errands, another Mariners game, and walking Greenlake, my weekend was very low key. This week includes watching Monday Night Football with friends tonight, a birthday dinner and getting ready for a trip to Banff with Holly and Nancy this weekend!