Life is funny/crappy sometimes. Today, the second doctor in a week told me I needed to see a counselor. Clearly, I'm not as together as I thought. And evidently it's very obvious to medical professionals. My surgeon was like, "As far as surgeries go, yours was as big as they come and you need someone to help you through it." I like to push feelings down and not feel them, so seeing a counselor doesn't seem awesome.
Have I told you about my growing needle phobia? I used to not care at all, but the more I get stuck, the worse it gets. Last Tuesday, it took my expert nurse 6 sticks to get the blood draw. Just prior to surgery, my arms and hands were so jacked up because of needles.
During my surgery they put an IV in my wrist that was the size of a Bic pen ink refill - possibly bigger. It's left quite a mark.
It was for rapid infusion of the 9 units of blood they had to give me during surgery.
Here's my new set of mini dishes that I got at IKEA on Saturday. I have to control my portions because I have no stomach. Six small meals a day and it is difficult. I don't have an appetite and I usually get sick when I eat, so eating is not my favorite thing. AND THAT IS SOMETHING I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY.
Mostly, I want to sit at a Mexican restaurant and eat a gigantic plate of enchiladas. Never gonna happen again. WAAAAHHHH!
Anyway, life is hard and a little crappy, but it could be a lot worse.
I'm here and I have things to say and without the blog, Instagram is my only option. I don't really want to say everything there.
This post is a weird one to start back with and will mean nothing to most of you, but I am obsessed. Did you watch The Hills and then The City - reality shows on MTV in the 2000s? If not, then you will doubly not care.
Olivia was on The City and she was pretty evil, but the girl has style that is enviable. She grew up an über-rich kid from NYC and then she dated and married a German model. Kind of want to hate her, but she married him this weekend in a small ceremony with family and two friends.
And I am obsessed with her choice of attire.
Cashmere sweater, shorts and an overlay skirt. And a ponytail. Gah! I love it. I just love that it's beautiful and bridal, but still kind of casual in a dreamy way.
And let's chat about Johannes. First of all his name is Johannes. Second of all, he is so handsome. Recently I've had two pleasant dreams in which he was my boyfriend. No joke.
Want to hear a nice little story? It's about time for one, I'd say.
When Leigh was here last week for my CT scan, she brought me some wall art that quoted a hymn.
She started to tell me the story of the hymn, which you can read here, but I was already tearing up. Here's why:
Seven weeks ago, I was sitting in my shower just sobbing because I was so weak and I knew something was really wrong. A few minutes later when I was getting dressed and half-heartedly blow drying my hair, I put that song on repeat and listened over and over. I knew I wasn't well, but I knew it would be ok no matter what happened. That afternoon I went to the hospital and stayed there for a week. We all know what came after that. The song has been played many times since then. It's a recording my childhood friend, Jerod, made. I love it to pieces. You can buy it on iTunes here.
Leigh didn't know about all that. It was just a sweet reminder that the Lord is aware of me as an individual and those tender mercies that come.
Yes, I have cancer, but that is no reason to skip talking about the Oscars. I enjoyed the show quite a bit even though I had only seen three of the Best Picture nominees. Ellen. I mean, she was perfect.
The dresses - did you have standouts? I thought everyone looked really pretty, but I don't think I have a hands down favorite.
I was loving all the navy blue.
I also liked Lupita's, Jennifer Lawrence, Camilla Alves and Leslie Mann's.
It's been so fun the past week in the city. Everyone is into it and it's great. I watched the first half at home and then went over to E&M's for the second half. After the win, we ran down the street to be able to watch the Space Needle fireworks! People had their own fireworks and the horns honking and people in the street was pretty fun to hear. As Alena was walking to my house, she had a group hug with strangers on the street. That's pretty cool.
I had to apologize to my dad and lots of my family for turning my back on the Broncos. In all honesty, I didn't think Seattle had a chance against the veteran quarterback, but nothing went wrong for the Hawks! (Errrr, besides all those penalties)
Maybe you've seen the #HowSeattleRiots hashtag, but this video sums it up.
Prior to Super Bowl Sunday, we spent some time at the Washington coast. Our friend's family owns a home in Seabrook. It's a little beach community that is sort of idyllic. There's a pub, general store, spa, swimming pool, chapel, etc. You can rent the homes and it's just a short walk to the beach.
This is one of the "idea" houses that is beautifully designed. You can see a tour here and here.
It's a gorgeous spot and super low key, which was great after the long and horrible couple weeks I've had. Anybody want to visit and rent some beach houses?
Well, the rest of January certainly went down the crapper.
The day of my last post I went to the opera with the Hall's and Joseph. I was feeling tired and debated not going, but made my way to dinner and started feeling terrible. I've been having random stabbing pains in my upper abdomen for about a month and it was really bad that night. During the first intermission I stood up and felt light-headed so I went to sit back down. As the second act started, I was SO uncomfortable sitting there and couldn't catch my breath and next thing I know, Joseph is whispering my name and shaking me. I passed out while sitting which is evidently very uncommon. It happened again in the third act, but I was out long enough that Stan went to grab an usher and I woke up to a flashlight in my face. It was quite an eventful evening. The Hall's brought me home and Stan gave me a blessing before I went to bed.
The next morning I got in to see a doctor and my hematocrit came back at 27 (36-45 is normal). She told me to start taking an iron supplement and sent me on my way for the weekend.
On Saturday I went to a wedding reception and a friend's house. At some point I just knew I had to leave. Nothing specific happened, but I made E&M leave the party and take me home. Around 2:00am I woke up with a start and out loud said, "what was that?" I still don't know what made me wake up, but finally at 4:00am I knew I needed to go to the ER. I drove myself because I didn't want to wake my roommates and make them wait around an ER with me. I felt kind of dumb for going in the first place. Not my smartest move. Anyway, my hematocrit had dropped to 19, which is "critical" so they started a blood transfusion. It felt crazy, so I was texting doctor friends to see if they felt it was necessary and they were all like "duh, of course it is". I wasn't trusting residents with my health.
I got two units of blood and my hematocrit went back up to 26. They kept me overnight to make sure that I stayed stable. They admitted me just in time to watch the Seahawks win a spot in the Superbowl and I was discharged on Monday morning. It boils down to a severe iron and B12 deficiency that prevents red blood cells from being made/formed/happening. I don't know the term. They were concerned about acute blood loss somewhere, but that wasn't the case.
Since then, I've been TIRED (three hour afternoon naps) and can't really eat which sucks, but I've lost 7 pounds!
I had an upper endoscopy yesterday that didn't reveal anything obvious about the source of the pain. My own, professional diagnosis is that the anemia is causing the stomach problems and not that the stomach is causing the anemia, but what do I know? (It feels like more than the doctors sometimes).
I'm getting a weekly B12 injection and waiting on pathology to come back from the endoscopy. We shall see. I just want to eat something delicious and Superbowl Sunday is the time for that. Wah!!!!!
First of all, Sherlock. We went to a pre-screening of the Season 3 opener last night and let me tell you. . .get excited for Sunday. It is SO good. You will love. It's a guarantee.
And Benedict on the big screen as Sherlock was such a treat. So many feelings for him. I love him.
Shall we talk Golden Globes dresses, etc? I can't do a full recap because of time, but here are my favorites.
Loving the makeup on both of them. And Jessica Chastain's necklace! Not so much that hair though.
This woman is gorgeous and her green shoe to match the jewels was a favorite. Also her skin! Ah, youth.
I just really like both of these dresses and overall looks. Sidebar, can you believe what they did to Anna on Downton last week? Straight soap opera at this point. I might be over that show completely.
I'm a little obsessed with Elizabeth Moss. And so glad she won for Top of the Lake. Emma's was weird, but I liked it. I thought her hair and makeup were very pretty and flattering.
And I am buying what you are selling with that ponytail, Jared Leto.
And this is straight adorable - still can't believe Marcus grew up to be so handsome.
Major love for Tina and Amy and those jokes hitting Clooney, DiCaprio, and Swift.